9 months pregnant. Exhausted and excited to meet our little girl.
It is a lot of different emotions all mixed up. I cry for hours without knowing why and crave chocolate like it’s the last food on earth.
Reaching this last month, I can now say that I don’t like being pregnant, but it changed me in ways I didn’t expect.
I truly loved feeling my baby move inside me. This is pure magic. Everything else, not so much.
All pregnancy, I felt like I am going to be the worst mom ever because of that. Nobody seemed to understand that I was not enjoying it.
For starters, I took fifteen kilos.
I feel like a whale trying to turn in my bed.
I wear sunglasses in the dark because of headaches.
Cramps and contractions…You feel me.
My whole body is made of water. The swelling thing is no joke.
I can’t use my hands and my feet don’t fit in my shoes.
Did I mention that I do not see past my belly? Shaving my legs and putting nail polish on my toes are things of the past.
Accepting that my body is not mine anymore is sometimes difficult. It seems it works to grow and protect my little baby. It just keeps me alive. If you add that acne is back and you store fat like it’s gonna be winter for the next ten years, obviously you don’t feel oh-so-sexy.
Most of the time I feel like that, but it is not every day either. In those moments, I just look at myself and try to find things I am happy about. I don’t have stretch marks and my boobs look awesome!
You learn that all is just a phase, and it will pass.
Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture seems to be the first lesson of pregnancy.
It helped me a lot to think of this experience as a mental game. The pain is obviously not an easy part, but what I discovered about myself during that time makes it all worth it. It gave me my confidence back.
So now I know it’s ok. You don’t have to like being pregnant. I didn’t either.
Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean you are not going to love your baby.
Pregnancy is a great time to learn how to think for yourself and get away from society’s standards. The point of all this taking nine months is also to make the future mom confident enough that she will always decide what is best for her baby and herself.
It helps you grow even if you don’t know it.
On that level, pregnancy was liberating. It remembered me not to give a damn about what other people think. Finding out you have way more strength than you thought is empowering. Embrace it. I plan on using all that to bring my girl to the world and to teach her that she is the only one who decides what is good for her.
I am not a kid playing grown-up anymore.
I am a mom and moms can do everything.